How to Prioritise Self-Care When Running a Business

Ange Dove (00:01)

Welcome to You're the Boss Podcast Show and today I have with me Amy Lenius. Now Amy is the Director of Group Coaching at Next Level University. She's a professional speaker, event coordinator, emcee and Next Level Certified Personal Development and Success Coach. So Amy, welcome to the show.

Amy Lenius (00:23)

Thank you so much. so excited to be here, Ange.

Ange Dove (00:26)

Yeah, it's good to have you. So Amy, just to start us off, just tell us what we need to know about you in order to have this conversation today about running a business, being successful in business.

Amy Lenius (00:40)

Absolutely, I loved the kind of lens we were going to take when we talked behind the scenes and so I'm really excited to talk to you all about different versions of professionalism, different versions of careers, different versions of success because I deeply believe success is subjective, the definition of it anyways. Now there are absolutely some objective principles that get us to our version of success, whether it be in health, wealth, quality of life or love, they go across the board.

And that is something I have learned on my journey, especially with Next Level University, who I partner with now, but that's not where I started. I started my professional career actually as a massage therapist. My background is in anatomy and physiology. And I love helping people that way. I love talking to people. I loved educating people on their bodies. And during that time when I was in school and...

early on in my practice, I myself was really sick. So I myself was battling a chronic illness as well that I was learning so much about and able to become healthy and pain free from a condition that I was told I would be impossible to do so. So I fell in love with empowering people with information. And so it moved me talking to my patients on the table to me speaking in rooms of women about natural women's health and holistic healing for their hormones.

really fell in love with that kind of angle. And I ended up in bigger spaces and bigger rooms and then on stages talking about women's health and natural wellness and plants and oils and regiments and stress reduction and all of these beautiful things. I got into the idea of, okay, I love the idea of speaking and empowering people with information. And when you look back at things, know, hindsight's always 20-20, I could see that I was empowering people with information.

Ange Dove (02:30)

Yeah. Yeah.

Amy Lenius (02:34)

But I was missing certain key components that made them believe that they themselves could do the things that I had achieved. And I can see that looking back now based on what I have learned and how I coach and how I do things now more as a coach now than just an educator, which is always fascinating to look back at. So you always tell people to look back at your life. And we watch the movie of your life, especially if you're looking at careers and things, because I think there's always a through line of things that we enjoyed.

Ange Dove (02:43)

This is key.

Amy Lenius (03:03)

and mine has always been speaking into people's lives and educating them in ways that are gonna help them if they choose to implement the actions that they do from my presentations. And so that grew into something really beautiful. And then I actually started as a client of Next Level University. Kevin and Ellen were producing my podcast. I had a show at the time and I was working with them to build my coaching program. I called it the Peaceful Period Project for Women. So was working with women, group coaching for women.

Ange Dove (03:11)

Yeah.

Amy Lenius (03:33)

and I had done a speech, my keynote, Holistic Healing for Your Hormones, and I sent it to Alan because I said, hey, you're a public speaker. I would actually love your feedback on this because genuine feedback from a fellow speaker is very different than just from someone who's not in the industry because everyone else mostly is just impressed that you're up there. So they're like, it was amazing. You're amazing for being up there. And I'm like, thank you. I appreciate that so much. I do. I do. And I would love some genuine feedback. And so.

Partnering there and getting his feedback led us to a conversation where he invited me to come down to the States, I myself am in Canada, to come down to the States and MC for their personal development event. I was like, I don't know how to do that, but absolutely, absolutely, I can figure that out. We can make that work. I would love to come see you guys in person and hang out and just see more of what you're all about and that just.

that grew into just a beautiful partnership. love everything that they do. They, I was drawn to them because they talk about success and

and personal development from the holistic lens. They always talked about holistic self-improvement back in the day when I came in. And now we don't say that as much because no one knows what the hell we're talking about. But back then I was like, I love holistic when it comes to understanding that your health is about more than just one piece. It's about everything. It's about your internal environment, external environment. And they're talking about it from a way of it's not just your wealth journey. It is about your health. It is about your relationships in your life. They all go together. We're not...

Ange Dove (04:58)

Mm. Yeah. Mm.

Amy Lenius (05:12)

I think sometimes we would love to think that they're separate, but they're not. I fell in love with everything that they were talking about and it just proliferated from there. ended up partnering full time with them. So I am now what is known as an intrapreneur in their entrepreneurial creation. And so there's been jumps from massage therapists and RMT out in British Columbia, Canada, and to move on from the next thing, ended up having to...

Ange Dove (05:13)

It's not isolated. Yeah.

Ange Dove (05:30)

right.

Amy Lenius (05:40)

let go of those three little letters behind my name, which actually made me feel really smart. And it was hard to let those go because it made me feel like this gives me credibility to speak about health into people's lives. And if I let those go, what does that mean about me? So I had to transition from there. And then, if I let my group coaching for women's health go, what does that mean about me? And how can I see this as an evolution rather than just giving up on these things?

And when I look back, is giving up something for the next better thing. It's giving up better for great. It's giving up great for now what I have, which is just this fully aligned career, helping people with their version of holistic success. And what I love is that the guys, Kevin and Ellen, creator of Next Level University, they have been nothing but celebratory and encouraging for me to bring all of my knowledge and everything I was doing before into what they have built. And that has been so...

Ange Dove (06:09)

Mm.

Amy Lenius (06:37)

lovely. even now when I have my my female clients and things, we're still talking about their cycles. We're still talking about, you know, when they're energized and how to leverage that and when to lean into being a potato because we have seasons where we absolutely need to be that way. But how can we still make sure we're checking the box on our habits to still reach our goals? And so it's really blended together in this beautiful way. But there have been seasons of learning to let go good for great and to move through that process.

Ange Dove (07:07)

Okay, so tell me a little bit more about that because I'm really interested in that transition phase, right? It's very difficult if you built your whole maybe business or your career on a particular identity as to how you see yourself and then something changes that makes you transition over to something else and you have to rebuild a new identity and you're letting go of the old could be very hard in order to bring in the new. So talk to me a little bit more about

How would one manage that transition? Because it is scary.

Amy Lenius (07:39)

It is scary, for sure, it absolutely is. And I think it's to look at, what is the superficial, almost ego identity, and what's the true identity underneath? So ego identity that made me feel like a somebody was those three letters that I paid for to have behind my name, to make me feel more credible to be up speaking into people's lives. That.

That was for perception, that was for people's approval, that was an identity that was built of, see me as valuable. The identity underneath...

Ange Dove (08:13)

Yeah. Yeah.

Amy Lenius (08:16)

knows that regardless of those three little letters, I still have all the knowledge and I still really want to help people in this way. The identity underneath has always been an educator. Even when I was in high school, I asked, what do you want to be when you grow up? I always wrote mom first. That's my, that was my heart and center right from the get go. But when they said no, and you can't write that down, I chose teacher.

Ange Dove (08:26)

Hmm.

Mm.

Amy Lenius (08:43)

I chose teacher and then I went and asked all the teachers in my high school about teaching and they all told me not to become a teacher. None of them liked their jobs. So I transitioned into an entire different career, but I still ended up back into a space of educating and helping people. And so what is the underlying?

Ange Dove (09:02)

Yeah.

Amy Lenius (09:05)

through line of who you are and what it is that you bring to the table when you can get through the layers of perception, what you want people to believe about you versus what's actually true about you. There's a bunch of identity and ego layers there. And there's no right or wrong in that. There's nothing wrong about me having those layers that everyone does. But to be able to identify them and not allow them to run you unconsciously and make choices for you is very different than being an empowered state, understand

that those things are there, but how can you choose to drive that in the direction that you really want to go rather than reacting to it unconsciously?

Ange Dove (09:44)

Okay. So tell me a little bit more now about as you move forward, like obviously you said you wanted to be a mum, that was the first thing. And you are a mum. Take it? Yes. So how do you manage being a mum and also having your own business? There's some people, because you have some people that say you can have it all. You have other people that say, no, you can't. You've got to focus on one. What's your take on that?

Amy Lenius (10:14)

Well, first of all, think the projection onto women of having it all versus no, can't versus women shouldn't, you know, work if they're mothers versus of course women should only work and be like.

Again, that's why I love the definition of subjective success. To me, being successful is absolutely being a mother first. But what I'm doing in my version of success is building a solid foundation in my career now so that as they need me less, I have more time and energy to pour into this. But until then, I offset it as they transition because motherhood is first for me. And so it's radical acceptance.

Ange Dove (10:36)

Mm-hmm.

Amy Lenius (10:57)

of what you value and that's okay. I work with women who deeply value being a career driven, success driven in that way woman and they like having children and then there's women who are like me, their family is their entire unit and that runs their underlying, like if my family isn't doing well, if the kids are sick or if Chris and I's energy are off or something's energetically off in the household, I struggle. I can't bring my best self to you.

Ange Dove (11:00.334)

Mm-hmm.

Amy Lenius (11:26)

And so I need to know that about myself professionally. That matters so much. And so what is your underlying truth? How can you have radical acceptance and love for that? And then move from that.

Ange Dove (11:39)

Mm.

Amy Lenius (11:42)

So even like you said, building a career, doing all of these things and motherhood and I homeschool, I have property, we have animals, we have quite the full life here. But it is about understanding what needs my attention most at what time and being able to schedule certain things in. I have days where I'm really grateful to say I have my parents very involved where I will schedule off a whole day. I'll let my calendar open for the whole day and the kids go with their grandparents. And then days like today, it's 830 in the morning.

me and Chris is home because it's Saturday. So I leveraged that time as well. And then I did a story in our Facebook group Next Level Nation yesterday where I'm just a hot mess behind the scenes. I had just finished grocery shopping. The boys have two other teenage boys over so I have two boys and now we have extra boys in the house and I'm at the kitchen table instead of down here in my office just trying to get some stuff done behind the scenes. It's messy. It's really messy. There are very

Ange Dove (12:39)

Yeah.

Amy Lenius (12:41)

few days that look perfect and put together and done in a certain way. And so I think radical acceptance for this season. It is, it is radical acceptance for the season that you're in, but also being so centered in yourself and learning the skills to create self-belief, to create radical self-worth and things so that you have the strength to understand what is worth your time and energy and what isn't. That's really, really important.

Ange Dove (12:47)

Yeah.

Ange Dove (13:06)

Right, so I love how you mentioned things can get messy and that's okay. So how do you, and then you've said that there are days when you have to take time out for yourself, right? So I think this is crucially important, especially when you're running a business, because you can let things just get away from you and you don't even notice yourself what's going on sometimes and you can run yourself into the ground. So I think what you said there is absolutely, you know, key.

that you have to look after yourself as well and allow yourself some time. Right.

Amy Lenius (13:40)

absolutely. When you are

Trying to be everything for everyone, now whether that's conscious or unconscious, makes a huge difference. I have moved from doing that unconsciously in a people-pleasing, martyr kind of way to being who I want to be for the people that I want to be for in a different, more empowered way. But I still want to be a mother, a wife, a household owner, a coach, a mentor, a speaker. I still want to be those for other people. That's really, really important to me, but the energy there's very different in the consciousness

Ange Dove (14:00)

Mm-hmm.

Amy Lenius (14:14)

there is very different but both still need time for you because either way you're gonna burn to the ground.

Ange Dove (14:20)

Yeah

Amy Lenius (14:23)

you're going to burn to the ground, you're going to become overwhelmed, you're going to go into even something as extreme as let's say biologically, adrenal fatigue is awful for women. They stay in stress for way too long and it messes up your hormones. It's the whole thing. It's a disaster. We don't want to get there. And so really starting to recognize your patterns and cycles of that, I can tell now when I'm reaching the edge of, I'm going to need some time or I need to make a change here or I'm going to crash and burn and need three days to recover. And I don't like taking that time because

Ange Dove (14:32)

Yeah.

Amy Lenius (14:53)

it takes away from the things that mean the most to me. And so instead of swinging into, now I need three days to rest, and to, okay, go full tilt again because I took three days off and my gosh, I'm trying to recover and then now I need six days and you gotta get less extreme. We want little swings. We need energy season and things when stuff needs done and stuff needs focus and there are times where, yeah, you need to grind it out a little bit and that's okay. But also recognize when you're getting close to that edge, what those pre-symptoms look like.

and how can you nip them sooner and take care of that.

Ange Dove (15:25)

Right. So how for is it the same for everybody? Do you notice patterns in people where it's the same kind of things that they need to look out for to take that warning that things again are controlled? Is it different for different people?

Amy Lenius (15:41)

It's very, very different because everyone's capacity is different. The more you grow and the more you take on in a healthy way, your capacity for things grow. My calendar now versus my calendar three years ago is very, very different. And my capacity has grown to be able to do that without burning to the ground. Everyone's capacity is very, very different and everyone's warning signs are very different. Some people, they get really heavy mentally and emotionally.

Ange Dove (15:45)

Mmm. Mmm.

Ange Dove (16:00)

Right. Okay.

Ange Dove (16:05)

Hmm.

Amy Lenius (16:09)

other people get really scatterbrained and overwhelmed and everything becomes urgent and important instead of being able to see things and see, because then other people really feel it in the body, they'll get sick, they'll get sick, they'll get physically tired, and some have all of it. So just making sure you know, some people get really impatient, they notice that their patience is really, really low and that comes down to capacity as well. It's something in psychology called your window of tolerance.

Ange Dove (16:16)

Mm-hmm.

Ange Dove (16:21)

Mm.

Amy Lenius (16:37)

if things start to be outside your window of personal capacity and personal tolerance.

Ange Dove (16:38)

Mm-hmm.

Amy Lenius (16:44)

you do start to lose it a little bit. And so we need to recognize when that is and what we personally need to do to fill ourselves back up. So cup fillers are also very, very personal and knowing what yours are is so valuable and knowing the size of the cup filler. So some people understand this about themselves, others it's really important to teach them, but we all have like super chargers where if you get to do this thing, you are

Ange Dove (16:47)

Hmm.

Ange Dove (16:54)

Mmm.

Amy Lenius (17:14)

happy and fulfilled for weeks. So those are the superchargers that are really, you're able, you're not able to do them every day, but it's almost embarrassing how much it refuels you. Like it's that.

Ange Dove (17:26)

So for you, what would be your supercharger?

Amy Lenius (17:28)

my supercharger is fishing. my gosh, you get out in the boat for the day, especially with my boys and we get to swim and be on the boat on this, this lake that I just love that I, I could take on the world after a day like that. And if we get to stay overnight and do that two days in a row, good. I'm so good. I'm so fulfilled. I'm so just, I've had special time with my boys. I'm out in nature and, and fishing, especially the kind of fishing we do. It's basketball.

Ange Dove (17:32)

Fishing.

Amy Lenius (17:58)

fishing so your precision casting it quiets my mind music and fishing are the only two things that that quiet this enough I have a very active brain but when you're precision casting and you're very focused on where your lines going and you're doing it consistently I think it's just

Ange Dove (18:02)

Hmm. Hmm.

Amy Lenius (18:18)

It's so nice, but I can't do that every day and I definitely can't do that all year round. I live in Canada, winters most of the year. So we take advantage of it. Yeah, so I'm very conscious of when and how often I can do those things and in what season.

Ange Dove (18:28)

Yeah, you get very cold winters, right?

Amy Lenius (18:37)

I really believe in the everyday one though. If you can have something everyday that just allows you to tap into you that is an intentional moment for yourself, a superpower, what a secret code into you yourself giving yourself those cup fillers everyday. And I think that saves us from the over swing because as amazing as it would be to go to the spa every week or go to a retreat every weekend or go whatever it is that your super cup filler is. Cause sometimes our cup fillers like our concerts, I know people who they're cup

there's a good concert. Well, that's expensive and it's not as you can't do that every day. What are we doing every day? So yeah, that's your supercharger. Amazing. What are we doing every day? And so for me and for a lot of people I've worked with, we can make it about something that they're already doing because people hear that and they're like, I can't add something else into my day, Amy. I'm busy. I know. I see you. Same. What are you something that you're already doing? So I make myself tea constantly.

Ange Dove (19:08)

Yeah.

Amy Lenius (19:36)

I love having a good cup of tea going or a fancy little beverage or something. And so my first cup of tea is very, very intentional. What cup am I using today? What blend of herbs am I using today? What is that going to look like? Can I make sure I drink it while it's hot? And sometimes mornings are chaotic, and that doesn't happen. So I get a rushed cup of tea. It is what it is. And then later in the afternoon, I'll be like, this is the moment. What tea? What cup? What am I doing while it is hot? That.

But music changes my state instantly as well. That's another one that I can easily tap into every day. Listening to a growth-oriented podcast, I'm a deep believer in eating your own cooking. I listen to the guys every day. I work with them and I listen to their show every day. I need to, it's this weird thing. It makes me feel connected to them. It's honestly, sometimes I've learned things about my job from the podcast, because they're talking about it on there before I've even had the chance to hear it from them behind the scenes.

Ange Dove (20:34)

They're announcing it live before the team knows it. Okay.

Amy Lenius (20:36)

because they're just wildly busy. It's hilarious. It's hilarious. And so what are yours? Because when you are trying to, again, have it all in whatever version of that, you know, makes sense to you because it's very, again, different for everybody.

What are you doing for yourself? Because at the end of the day, every hat that you wear needs to be on your head. And if you're crumbling, those hats are going to crumble with you. And so wear the hats consciously. Which ones really matter to you and which ones can you get let go, especially if you're a people pleaser and a martyr and things like I used to be. Let them go. And that's hard. It sounds easy. It's challenging. Get support there. It's really, really valuable to have external support in that one, whether it be a coach, a therapist, someone who can point something out that you

Ange Dove (21:02)

Yeah.

Ange Dove (21:10)

Mm-hmm

Amy Lenius (21:22)

are too biased to see. Very helpful.

Ange Dove (21:25)

Yeah, yeah, you can't say you've got blind spots, right? You can't see everything yourself.

Amy Lenius (21:30)

always. And then make sure you're taking care of you for sure, whatever it is that you're trying to do because when you're having a family and you're also trying to build something, it's a lot. It's a lot. But it's worth it. It's worth it.

Ange Dove (21:42)

a lot. It's a lot for sure. So this is all really all surrounding self-worth, right? This is your main thing is helping people with self-worth. Yeah. It's what your business is centered around,

Amy Lenius (21:59)

Yep, absolutely. Yeah, so I come in when you look at everything we do and you look at the guys and their strengths and...

Kevin is such an incredible coach, speaker and podcaster. He's been on, you know, including his own show and all the guest shows he's been on. He's been on over 3000 shows and spoken in some way 3000 times and he runs our podcast production side of the business and stuff like the dude is Mr. Podcast. That is his strength for sure.

Alan is business. External results is this guy's jam. He is Mr. How-To. He coaches high level business owners as well as someone like myself, even in fitness and my little entrepreneurial journey I have going with them and things. He is just, he's a computer engineer, business major, genius. He's our CEO. You know Alan.

you coach with the Duke Genius. It's amazing. And so I come in and I do really well with the internal work.

Ange Dove (22:55)

Yeah. Yeah.

Amy Lenius (23:03)

I do really well with stress reduction and helping people with their core wounds, their self-belief, their self-worth and understanding success from the inside out. So we just had Next Level Live where the three of us get together in person. I just flew down to the States and we speak for the day and we, I spoke first and then Kevin and then Alan. And it was all about success from the inside out. So I opened the day with all the internal, the self-respect, self-worth, self-belief, goals from a filter of interest.

Ange Dove (23:03)

Mmm.

Ange Dove (23:16)

Mm. Mm.

Amy Lenius (23:32)

It was so internal and then Kevin was the bridge. Kevin was the bridge from the internal to the external and then Alan hammered them with external results and momentum and scaling and all of these things at the end. I'm sure you can imagine it. And so I think one that's really special that the three of us bring together is we do have this kind of.

Ange Dove (23:45)

again.

Amy Lenius (23:52)

unique energy where we have different perspectives and different things and different ways of speaking yet we all have similar values and similar like just the through line is so similar and I think that brings something really special and so for me yeah self-worth especially because I come from a space of low self-worth personally

Ange Dove (24:02)

Mm. Mm.

Ange Dove (24:09)

Mm. Mm.

Amy Lenius (24:09)

I had high self-belief. If you look back at my journey, my life, and all the careers that I've had and the things I've shifted into, and being able to public speak, and healing my own chronic illness and all the things, that tells me, and when you look back again, 2020, don't know this at the time.

Ange Dove (24:12)

Right.

Amy Lenius (24:24)

I have high self-belief. High self-belief is self-efficacy. It's your belief in doing what it takes to achieve an external result. And that doesn't always mean you know the answer. It means you believe that you can learn and implement. And so I have really high self-belief in that. But my self-worth, my boundaries, my social courage, my people-pleasing, low, very low.

Ange Dove (24:41)

Right. Right.

Amy Lenius (24:51)

And what happens when you have any kind of success journey, if you don't grow self-worth along the way, the success itself is very unsustainable. It becomes overwhelming and it does end up being very fulfilling because it's typically at the expense of yourself.

Ange Dove (25:02)

You

out.

Amy Lenius (25:08)

And so self belief is the external result. Self worth is your belief in being worthy of the results of the actions it takes to get there and of the standards you need to hold to be able to maintain that success. And so that was me, low self worth. The ultimate people.

Ange Dove (25:22)

Bye.

Okay, that's quite insightful actually, because as you were just speaking earlier about that and talking about, and then you said you had high self-belief but low self-worth, I was like, hmm, how come? But because I would have imagined if you believe you can do something, then you have self-worth as well, but you can't, but it's two completely different things. Yeah.

Amy Lenius (25:50)

Yep, they go together. They do. They really do.

Because creating action in the world is a way of creating self-worth. But if it's action that's not aligned, if it's action that's not fulfilling from the inside out because it comes from your values, your vision out versus what is projected onto you or expected of you, two very different things. And self-worth needs to come from the inside out. And I think people, especially women, are taught that their worth is from the outside in.

Ange Dove (26:01)

Mm.

Ange Dove (26:04)

Mm.

Mm. Yeah.

Ange Dove (26:13)

Right. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Ange Dove (26:24)

Mmm, okay.

Amy Lenius (26:25)

Women grow up understanding that they're a worthy woman if they are somebody to someone. So is she a good woman? Well, is she a good friend? Is she a good mom? Is she a good daughter? Is she a good community member? Is she a good PAC member? What does she do for other people? That's how we see worth and women. That's really, really sad. And so...

Ange Dove (26:43)

Mmm.

All

Amy Lenius (26:48)

we can gain worth from those things, I absolutely gain worth from choosing to be a conscious parent and a mother. But the difference is I don't allow it to only come from the outside in. That is something I choose from the inside out and then consciously allow to give myself worth outside in. But if we're only chasing it externally, sorry.

Ange Dove (27:06)

So what do people have to do then in order to work inwardly on their self-worth? What kind of things would you recommend? Which is probably the hardest thing to do, if you're not aware of it, you can't do anything about it, right?

Amy Lenius (27:16)

One, recognize that it's You have to recognize that it's there. It really is. It's so hard to admit that I would dim in the presence of others and totally suppress myself.

Ange Dove (27:33)

Boom.

Amy Lenius (27:35)

Not because I don't believe in myself, not because I think I'm less than or because I don't think I'm intelligent. Mine was all about survival. Mine, I was taught early on that it's safe to dim and be less than socially. All of my pain is very social. It's not external and success-wise. People either have external result pain where they struggle to believe that they're capable of achieving things or have not achieved the things they want to achieve and that's very painful for them. Mine is all social. Alan's very similar. Kevin's on this end.

Alan's over here. All Alan and I's pain is all social. And we learned early on that it's safe to be less than. It's more socially acceptable to be less than. And you don't get ostracized. You don't get, you know, people don't try and bring you down a peg when you show that you're excellent. And so it's safe to dim and to people please and to be who others need you to be rather than who you really are.

Ange Dove (28:21)

Mm-hmm.

Ange Dove (28:28)

you activate yeah okay

Amy Lenius (28:29)

And that's a lot of unconditioning, deconditioning, whatever the word is there.

to break free of, but you have to accept that first and to sit in the discomfort of, in these scenarios, I chose to be less than and allow other people to even, you know, suppress me or justify away why you're good at something right to your face. Can you tell that that's one of my experiences many times? There's a lot to it there. But so acceptance that you have low self-worth and most people in our community do. We attract a lot of people who have high self-belief. They have goals, but they're hitting these

Ange Dove (28:39)

Mm.

Ange Dove (28:53)

Mm-hmm.

Amy Lenius (29:05)

ceilings and don't want to be seen or even make money or sell or things and that all comes down being seen in a certain way and self-worth. And everyone has their own little personal brand of low self-worth. Some people really struggle to invest in themselves because they don't believe they're worthy of that. I've never struggled there. I will always invest in my health and my growth and that was never a struggle. Another one is if you compare yourself to others in a detrimental way.

Ange Dove (29:13)

Okay.

Ange Dove (29:22)

Mm-hmm.

Ange Dove (29:27)

Mm. Mm.

Amy Lenius (29:34)

that takes it to your self-worth. And so if you're not comparing to others for inspiration, you're comparing to others at a detriment to yourself. That's a really low self-worth indicator. And I never had that one either. I was very strong that way. Where I struggled in self-worth is with boundaries. I had none whatsoever.

Ange Dove (29:34)

Yeah. Mmm. Mmm.

Ange Dove (29:47)

Yeah. Right.

Ange Dove (29:52)

Mm-hmm.

Ange Dove (29:56)

Mm-hmm.

Amy Lenius (29:57)

probably didn't even understand the word, if I'm being honest, and low courage, especially social courage. So the ability to be my authentic self in social situations. So are you appeasing others? Are you dimming? Or are you inflating? Some people inflate to feel more comfortable. Oh, I'm better than, see, I'm really great. Like, see me as great, they inflate rather than dim. Oh, I'm not that great. Don't look over here. There's versions of social courage, but it's something to sometimes

Ange Dove (29:59)

Bye.

Ange Dove (30:04)

Right.

Ange Dove (30:08)

Mm.

Ange Dove (30:13)

Mm.

Amy Lenius (30:27)

as simple as I laugh when I don't think it's funny or just these kinds of little moments of inauthenticity where can you see yourself in the listener if you're trying to see if you have low self-worth

And another one is just learning to keep the promises you make to yourself. That's a big one for most people I find is they constantly break the promises to themselves. And that not only self belief hit, but it really hits the foundation of your self worth. You're constantly showing yourself you are not worthy of the things that you want to do or know you need to do.

Ange Dove (31:04)

Okay, so it's understanding which of those is you, right? And then, so then, I mean, it's easier said than done. How do they then get over that? How do they come out the other end?

Amy Lenius (31:15)

Yeah, so of the five, there's five there. And if you picture a pyramid, self-belief or keeping the promises you make to yourself is the bottom. It's the foundation.

Ange Dove (31:27)

Mm. Mm-hmm.

Amy Lenius (31:28)

And so rate yourself on that one. Is it green, yellow, or red? We like to say green is good. Are you really good at keeping the promises you make to yourself? Great. That's not the one you need to focus on. Is it yellow? it kind of iffy? Mine was iffy. I could do it in some marinas, but not in others. I could do it for all my health and wellness regiments. I couldn't do it for fitness for the life of me. Keep my promises or be consistent. So that was a yellow for me. The next is boundaries. That one was red. Super red for me.

Ange Dove (31:31)

Bye.

Ange Dove (31:41)

You're right.

Mm-hmm.

Ange Dove (31:48)

Okay. Right.

Amy Lenius (31:57)

negative, no boundaries, none. So that one was red. I needed to work on that one. Next one's social courage. And they all go together, know, social courage, take social courage to have boundaries and, and things. so that one was also

Ange Dove (32:08)

How do you, so just going back to that, how do you define social courage?

Amy Lenius (32:14)

Being your authentic self in social situations. Yeah. So you have to discover who that is. And it's so, it's really leaning into in moments, are you interested in that topic? Yes or no? Are you going to contribute even though you're not? Don't. Someone told a joke, do you think it's funny? Laugh. my goodness, laugh. And if you have a dorky laugh, laugh like a dork. It's amazing. If you don't think it's funny, have the social courage to say so or to not laugh.

Ange Dove (32:18)

Okay. All right.

Ange Dove (32:30)

Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.

you

Ange Dove (32:44)

Right. Got it. Okay.

Amy Lenius (32:45)

Have the social courage to not inflate because you feel insecure or because you feel like that's safer or maybe you do believe you're less than and again, what is that? What is self actually here? How can you just have humility and be accurate? Can you say you don't know something when someone's talking about something? Can you say you know a lot about it when someone's talking about it like they know more?

Ange Dove (33:05)

Mm. Mm.

Right. Okay. So promises, boundaries, social courage. And the next is...

Amy Lenius (33:11)

It's a social dance and it is.

Yeah. The next one is investing in yourself. Are you able to invest in yourself now? Most people think money, but time and energy as well.

Ange Dove (33:20)

Okay.

Ange Dove (33:23)

Mm.

Amy Lenius (33:27.599)

Money, time, and effort, if we want to be accurate. So me listening to a growth-oriented podcast every day, that's me investing in myself every day. And again, there's big things we can do. Going to Next Level Live, we only do that once a year. That's a big investment of your time. It's six hours. I don't believe it's a crazy investment of money. It's only $47, but it's still your investing time and then money. And then the effort you put into it is yours. So that's an investment in yourself, but that's not an all-the-time thing. You can't do that.

Ange Dove (33:27)

Mmm.

Mm. Mm.

Ange Dove (33:44)

Mmm... Mm-hmm.

Amy Lenius (33:57)

that every day? What is your everyday one? Like the cup filler, the self care one, what is your little mini everyday one that you get to invest in yourself? What is it that you need? For me, I love growth oriented stuff to invest in myself in that day. But for some people, it's an extra five minutes in the shower or an extra love in their skincare. Something that shows you that you are worthy of pouring into. And it doesn't have to be an extravagant thing. Like I said, it can be extra skincare, can be, you know, making yourself a nice cup of coffee.

Ange Dove (33:59)

Yeah.

Ange Dove (34:15)

Mmm.

Amy Lenius (34:27)

instead of just walking around with a cold cup because you neglected yourself in the cup all day. Now I know that that's a total vibe, especially for mothers and doing all the things you're, there's my coffee and it's microwave six times. I I see you, I see you. Where can you pause? Where can you pause? The laundry can wait.

Ange Dove (34:40)

and it's tone cold.

Amy Lenius (34:48)

It takes five minutes to enjoy a few sips of that hot drink that you made for yourself. How can you just pause? That's a moment of investing in yourself. It doesn't have to be elaborate. We think that it does. It really doesn't. And if you can do small things every day, that is what is going to compound into you believing you are worthy over time. It's not necessarily the big things you do once in a while.

Ange Dove (34:53)

Mm.

Amy Lenius (35:11)

And the last one is comparison. Are you comparing fairly? Are you comparing apples to apples, we like to say? So someone who is in a similar lifestyle, similar age group, similar journey and similar values as you? Or are you someone, let's use me as an example, I'm pushing 40 and on my fitness journey and only like to work out from home because I live on a dirt road in a town that doesn't have a gym. Am I comparing my fitness journey to someone who is in her early

20s has no children and a gym in her apartment building basement. Not fair. That would be detrimental. But if I can find a woman who is let's say ahead of me maybe she's in her 40s and she's super fit and she had raised children and she does home workouts and she's killing it that is someone I can look up to and be inspired by and have someone guide my actions.

Ange Dove (35:50)

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

Ange Dove (36:05)

And I think it's important also to be inspired by them and not feel, I'm worthless because I'm not as good as them. Because they may have been on the journey for 10 years and you're coming in on year one, you can't possibly compare yourself to them, You just sort of use them as inspiration, but not bring yourself down at same time, right?

Amy Lenius (36:25)

That's right. Yeah, and we say this to podcasters all the time. If you're looking at podcasters, if you're looking at Kevin and Alan, they have almost 2,500 episodes. If you're on episode 10, don't compare to episode 2,500. Go back to their episode 10. It's terrible. And they started nine years ago. so podcasting has come a long way even since then. So I guarantee your episode 10 is better than theirs ever was.

Ange Dove (36:36)

Mm.

Ange Dove (36:42)

You

Amy Lenius (36:53)

Compare accurately.

Ange Dove (36:53)

Yes. And that's it. Everyone starts somewhere, right? They always start from step one, right? So, you know, we've all been there. Everyone's been there. Don't judge yourself. Don't be harsh on yourself.

Amy Lenius (37:00)

Yes.

Yep. No, I always tell my boys to look at it as, you have experience in this? When they say I can't do something or someone else can do something, I'm constantly getting to look at, do you have as much experience in that? Do they have more or less? I'm just, instead of saying I can't do that, I'm not experienced in that yet.

Ange Dove (37:14)

Mmm.

Ange Dove (37:19)

Mm. Mm. Yeah.

Ange Dove (37:26)

enough yet yeah and yet is the important word there.

Amy Lenius (37:28)

And if it's something you want to achieve, you just need to put the time and effort in and gain the experience.

Ange Dove (37:33)

Nice, which is investing in yourself as well, right? Well, yeah, I love it. I love it. So I think, Amy, you've given us such wonderful pearls of wisdom, I think, in this particular episode. I love everything you've been speaking about today. Is there anything that we haven't talked about that you think would be relevant?

Amy Lenius (37:38)

That's right.

Amy Lenius (37:59)

No, I don't think there's anything we haven't talked about. If we want to wrap it in a bow and just again, the through line, I feel like the through line is self-awareness. Where are you at? What season are you in? If you bring back the very beginning of what identity are you holding onto that may be keeping you from the next level, self-awareness. What is true about that? I held on to those three little letters and behind my name for too long. I paid for it for too long. I wasn't even practicing anymore. That was silly. That was totally egotistical and oh,

Ange Dove (38:08)

Mm. Mm.

Ange Dove (38:17)

Mm-hmm.

Amy Lenius (38:29)

me as valuable. It's like justifying my value. It's ridiculous. But again, it's part of the journey. Where can you have self-awareness through that? Because it's holding you back in some way. If you're building a business, if you're even on any kind of transition of career or you're called to something new,

It requires more of you. It requires a different version of you. And sometimes we have to deconstruct ourselves just as much as we need to construct ourselves into that next level version that needs us for this goal. so again, radical self-awareness. Maybe you have high self-belief like me, but you need to accept that you have low self-worth. Maybe you want to have a career, but you also want to be a parent. What does that dynamic look like for you? Self-awareness, acceptance build from that place. I know I will have a more

Ange Dove (39:10)

Mmm.

Amy Lenius (39:20)

more prolific career later, but I'm building the foundation of what that needs to look like now in the cracks of my day because I prioritize my children first. Again, self-awareness, self-awareness, yes.

Ange Dove (39:27)

Nice, nice. Yeah. Be gentle with yourself. Love it, love it. So Amy, where can we send people to find out more about you?

Amy Lenius (39:41)

I'm just at Amy Lenius on Instagram and Facebook. It's, I'm not fancy, that's it. Those are the two platforms for me. We're also very involved in WhatsApp and our community is behind the scenes. that's our, those are our three things, but Instagram and Facebook, and you can message me anytime. The guys and I are deeply dedicated to human connection and community now more than ever. I think as the...

Ange Dove (39:47)

Okay.

Ange Dove (39:53)

Right.

Amy Lenius (40:06)

Times change and technology goes where it's going. Human connection is to be one of the most valuable commodities that we can offer people. And so if you message either one of us, it's going to be us in our DMs. It's not an assistant. It's not an AI. It will be us. And so if you have any questions, please reach out.

Ange Dove (40:10)

Yeah.

It is.

Ange Dove (40:23)

I'll put the link below for everyone so that they can easily get in touch with Amy. So Amy, thank you so much for today.

Amy Lenius (40:31)

Thank you so much for having me and such beautiful questions.

Ange Dove (40:35)

Yeah, welcome.